It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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