No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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