yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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