It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
