Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
