Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
