Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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