i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
