Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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