I hate your face
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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