Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
