but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
