I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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