It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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