My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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