You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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