the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
