Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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