That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
