I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
