I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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