Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
