...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the condom got lost in my hair
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't talk, ducks in the car
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
