the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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