I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
