You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
