I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
