Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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