So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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