Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
