I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
