True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
