This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
