maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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