By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
