You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
