i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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