hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
