forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
