he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
