Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
try to milk me bitch
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
