So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
