you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
