Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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