Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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