so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As shirtless as possible
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
