writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
