Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
