as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
