just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
