Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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