We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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