So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
