Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
