She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
