last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
