You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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