How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So much rum. So many feels.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
