the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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