your thong is hanging out like whoa
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found your dick twin last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
