Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
