So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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