Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
