i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
