even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
