sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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