New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
