omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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