I'm so fucking centered right now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can you bring me the toilet please
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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