im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
